mine me my*
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hellos stalker
 SOmetimes itS EaSier to Do ThinGs iN its SimPLe WayS.. History
credits
skin made by me {fisha} and thanks for them , electricshock , tiqah ,
zara , wana and afiqah for awesome tuto and freebies.
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`School life watching people brag about stupid things they do in school makes me envy so much ): maybe its because i watch too much drama to assume they do such things.. but its really awesome to have such great friends.. is it my fault? that i didnt put in enough effort to befriend you? or is it my character? that im too boastful.. im boastful.. sometimes/most of the time.. thats why i chose to shut up cos i hate that part of me.. "waa haolian liao" it hurts.. it does.. i mean i've done well, but i cant show it off. if i tried to say "its just lucky", its too fake.. im competitive i enjoy being at the top or probably close to it.. if i win an opponent who has close grades with me most of the time, i'll be happy ^^ but i dont wan them to feel sad either.. saying "try harder next time" it will only hurt more if u accidently asked someone who nearly failed, its like doomsday. its contradicting right? i know.. its hard to not compare,cos i wan to know where i stand.. maybe im used to being in 'A' class.. its like a curse, people are as competitive as well.. thats why im kinda immune to "losing" in terms of grades.. it sucks to be in the best class.. people look at you like some geek and always assume you're smart.. sure you make friends there too but then.. wads the top priority? school, education, grades, study to get to uni.. its not that they have no fun but not the kind of fun i look forward to.. i envy sec fives and their close relationship.. they are fun people to be with.. and society gives them the look as though they r stupid.. frankly speaking.. those that cares less about grades are the most enjoyable people arnd.. they work hard and play as hard.. in 'A' class? dont even expect that.. sigh.. i rmb my junior saying "you're that kind of people i hate the most, u play games right before O's and still get good grades" but u never know how i cried before my biology paper.. still again, shock of my life.. another good grade ~.~ becos of the incident back in 2003, i changed.. i changed frm a chatterbox straight to a geek.. i realised how important a certificate is becos of it.. i became even more conscious/wary of what people think of me.. i dont want it to happen but wad happened happened. it cant be rewinded. no matter how much i wished for time machine to exist it just wont happen. "study more and get a good paying job,grow up then you can remove it with money" i can still rmb the exact words you said.. i tried to hide how much it hurts but it doesnt help, i think i should stop because tears r falling and i dont want my family to know.. esp my bro who's still awake and in the living room.. goodnight all. ;) |