mine me my*
|
hellos stalker
 SOmetimes itS EaSier to Do ThinGs iN its SimPLe WayS.. History
credits
skin made by me {fisha} and thanks for them , electricshock , tiqah ,
zara , wana and afiqah for awesome tuto and freebies.
|
`Blog havent been updating for some time.. shall update now~ if i were to type down many things happened within such a short time.. wow.. school's fine except some problems with getting committed to recorded lectures.. solo lab can be quite fun actually.. have been taking eugene's car to school recently and that he is totally not a morning person.. got my part-time at spms.. these things are like a everyday life that i cant be bothered to type it down.. but when i think of re-reading them in the future.. i have second thoughts.. ahh thats not the point of why i wanna blog today anyways.. hais yes.. discussion of my problems again.. i always do self-reflection of my flaws to be a better person.. because in the real world no one teaches you book materials on how to behave or communicate.. the only thing to do is trial and error.. how many times have i regretted my actions.. how many times have i embarrassed myself.. how many times have i wished that moment was erased from their minds.. how many times have i hoped that i actually have something better to say.. as you all know.. i am not a socialist.. i cant always read hidden motives and emotions.. i can empathize but i cant talk.. i seldom give chance/face to others.. meaning if in a conversation if i realise that it is wrong i will just correct it.. wads wrong is wrong.. i feel i have to correct it.. but this cause the person to lose face.. there was once i watched someone who kindly showcase magic for a bunch of us.. 'prediction of one 4-digit among 20 numbers given by us'.. i watched the magic very carefully as though i want to see through whats the loophole in it.. the magic succeeded and everyone was amazed.. but i said that the same number was written in all that 20 pieces of paper because i watched how his hands moved when writing the number! you cant simply pretend that you wrote a "1" when ur hand is twisting like writing an "8".. if you know what i mean.. if i havent saw this loophole i would be amazed by his magic.. when i said it.. more than 2times out loud.. everyone went silent.. they have had nth to say.. when i come to my senses i knew i did something terribly wrong.. i shouldnt have exposed him out loud.. and the way i said it i was super happy that i saw right through it.. -.- how stupid of me.. there are alot times where i left people lost for words just for the lack of consideration of my words.. i know i shldnt have done it and tried to learn and adjust.. but the same thing happen.. i wished i wouldnt talk anymore.. so i wouldnt have senseless thoughts being said out loud.. i switch off my brains so i can be stupid during convo.. i dont want to talk because im afraid of these mistakes.. im afraid of being disliked.. though between closer friends im glad they understand that i dont mean any harm when i say something just plain out from my mind without filtering.. but i still make the same mistakes when with my closer friends.. easily forgiven and forgotten though.. but in that crowd.. i have left a negative image that i cant erase off.. im alr being judged there.. being smart and independent is not always something i like.. i dont like to be treated like a fool (as a consumer) neither do i wanna be that all smarty-pants that ppl dislike.. being independent is the same.. i dont want to make mistakes in my decision.. im not a originally chatty person and i can sit at home all day without chatting with anyone.. you can say my eq is low till its alr in negative zone.. there are people who just accepts me for being who i am.. and i glad that they are still sticking around.. sometimes i wonder if its because when we grow up we want to behave like our parents or the restrictions by my parents that made me so inside my shell and hard to open.. the opportunity to communicate is so limited that im always running back to my shell and reluctant to go out of my safe zone to make some interactions.. even hi-bye is fine -.- i know even if i find out all that reasoning.. everything would still be the same unless i make a change.. again the scariest trial and error period.. new people that i will meet and let me try out the trial and error.. please be kind and forget all the moments that i might have irritated you.. i want to thank the friends who stick around that even without me being a people-person they still accept me into their circle (: you know who you are ^^ |