mine me my*
|
hellos stalker
 SOmetimes itS EaSier to Do ThinGs iN its SimPLe WayS.. History
credits
skin made by me {fisha} and thanks for them , electricshock , tiqah ,
zara , wana and afiqah for awesome tuto and freebies.
|
'was it hard enough? If you think i dint work hard enough, you will see me jumping down the next moment. Never once have i tot to myself that life can be this hard, i wanna suicide. Becos of my love for my family, i would never have the mentality to really jump. But what im facing now, makes me feel and believe that its ok to say goodbye. Forever. Playing the same old ship sank game, playing ur favoritism and saving those you love. The priorities never changed. Rather.. It surprises me how little i care about people arnd me. I have played the same mini version of the game before. Last year. When i took up this road that i shouldn't have in the very first place. I purposely dint text anybody for that whole week and nobody bothered except by chance someone texted me first. I am so insignificant that no one wanted to chat wif me despite holiday. I guessed that was when i felt. I dont need friends anymore. No one knew i was going through this course. No one knew i took up this career. No one asked. No one bothered. For instance to know that im not ok, its that i have disappeared frm twitter. Which hardly happens that i dont tweet for one whole week unless without Internet connection aka overseas. Maybe this time i shall do it agn. For five months this time. No whatsapp, no line, no twitter, no facebook, dont even pickup calls. Just disappear frm everywhere traceable. Hais but theres exception of cos, i cant run away frm work and my family. I dont think im going through depression, despite having suicidal thoughts. Cos i have no problems eating, shitting, sleeping and doing all other things to survive as human. When u read about the courts of hell (typical chinese), i wonder how much does it hurt when u alr died physically and what the punishments are actually doing on your soul. U dont feel physical pain as u left ur body on earth, but what really, is causing the pain? Im actually feeling stupid to go arnd telling ppl that the amt of stress im facing now equates to me jumping off a building. My thoughts are "if u dont believe, i will do it to prove u wrong". Which is pretty stupid. At the same time, im implanting this seed of guilt into you for not helping me during my tough times. Which is utterly ugly and selfish. Since young, i have never believed in happiness bought by money. Having alot of money makes you happy but not contented. The happiness i sought for, its not of monetary value. As much as i wan ppl to read my blog, i dont want to disclose it jus like tt. Its not on private, neither will i tell u the address. |