mine me my*
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hellos stalker
 SOmetimes itS EaSier to Do ThinGs iN its SimPLe WayS.. History
credits
skin made by me {fisha} and thanks for them , electricshock , tiqah ,
zara , wana and afiqah for awesome tuto and freebies.
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`What I really want I suppose every time when it comes to holiday i tend to think of these.. esp when theres too much time to do reflection lol. watching this lousy lazy art anime, i find some similarities of me actually wanted to be like the heroine.. good in studies, good in sports, being relied on, loved by teachers, being popular.. I wanted to be bathed in praises and in limelight.. but i wasnt such a person.. i wanted to be like one but i dont hav enough motivation.. i have no idea wads stopping me from doing it.. im always afraid of being judged esp by my family.. when i wan to start exercising they go like lol. then within that very week i will feel so stressed to continue it.. i really dont find joy in being someone who does nt fit in my family's eyes.. my family is my greatest joy as well as my greatest stress.. it feels like everything needs to be approved by them.. though they dont restrict my choices but at the same time u dont feel the support enough.. but.. those are just excuses.. if i really want to be the strong and reliable self.. the change starts within me.. recently im studying.. even during vacation? yes. lol. but im being paid to study! thats the most fun part isnt it xD being paid to study is such a great thing.. but its so sad im not granted scholarship in school ): booo next acad year im going to wear my mask for everything i do and participate in more events than ever.. this time im going to wear that mask happily.. to be bathed in limelight.. its almost the last time i can do it in school.. when i step out into the industry.. another mask of me will appear.. of course.. i will still be myself and complain and make the ugliest face with my closest frens.. its like a stress relief channel.. im trying out a different career path and have no idea if i will actually like this.. talking to new persons everyday sounds so fun.. but a part of me also wants a easy way out.. jus a simple 9-5 salary job.. no material needs.. no need to travel.. i can handle boredom.. it doesnt matter where and what u do.. to me the most important is who u are with.. and doing the most boring thing together.. i dont have tastebud for good food and dont know wads good.. to me as long as there is taste or rather if it is sweet, its good food.. lol.. i can only tell the diff if i like the coffee.. if it is food i can eat everyday.. its useless to keep thinking of how much i hate dealing with people but i want to learn and appreciate it.. fall in love with it.. i think i have that talent though.. to love something that i dont really like to perform well in it.. so i shall start by learning to like this industry.. if i cant perform means i dont hav it in me doesnt it.. charisma.. im training to get it as my additional weapon.. i believe i can do it.. im really my quarter life or maybe already in it.. its where i shld start trying to be serious for life.. spend another 25years working hard and earn.. thats if im alone.. the current me doesnt worry about my other half.. i sometimes doubt my ability to love someone else.. lol because i dont hav the heart beat feeling wif almost all the guys i met in uni.. the very first fast beat is only because im shy.. as we get more used to one another theres no more heart beat.. tts y i doubt if i can love.. i will conclude myself as not liking this person to proceed further.. oh well.. for now i shall try my best in this industry to know if i want to continue.. i know definitely that im money driven.. however, if i cant perform then i will jus stick to the less stress 9-5 job then ^^ im glad that i went for lessons alone last sem.. it gives me another form of courage and another hurdle to show that i can overcome it.. good luck to myself and jiayou!! |