`Conclusion im actually quite happy that im kind ...

`Time Time is all it takes to see if things are r...

`Phone Calls there's always some calls that we pr...

`BiRtHDaY! HAPPY 21ST TO ME! its 21st! omg feels ...

`Updates! oddly i thought i would have blogged ab...

`Blog havent been updating for some time.. shall ...

`Greatest problem So... secretly keeping a blog h...

`Quarrel yups that day sort of 'quarrel' but actu...

`June! Glad that i went for senior's camp few day...

`Work got no words to describe the ultimate sian-...

`Dream

today i slept way over my alarm cos im pon-ing sch today :3 also because of the alarm it makes me half awake to remember wad a sweet dream i had this morning..

in my dream i work under this boss, did my work to fend off some hooligans which in return offended them.. the next moment i was in the car using some thick beige stockings tied to the hand holder at the top.. to cover my face so no one would see me when peeping inside the car frm the window at the back of the car 90 degrees of my left.. i was using my phone, pissed after getting a scolding frm boss despite fending off the hooligans.. some how a few ppl with baseball bats passed the car frm wad i saw frm the tip of my eye.. instinctively i grabbed hold of the stocking and pulled it to my face while maintaining the cool to be sort of lying on it to hide my intention that i actually wanted to meet no one.. however one of the men caught me in action, he quickly informed his leader and the next moment, they surrounded the vehicle.. knowing that i have no escape i opened the window slightly when the leader knocked on the window asking yes? wad do u wan with me? becos im already in a bad mood, i didnt care wad he was to do.. he pushed his head in and said egg bomb and threw several eggs into the car and started laughing hysterically.. some of the eggs splashed onto my face.. annoyed i used my left hand to wipe it off my face and cleaned it on his face.. obviously it angered him and his subordinates  came into the car.. 2 guys pinned on me expecting to have some fun.. i said to them jus kill me with a very cold expression and eyes that no longer sparkle.. saying that i pulled on my own necklace.. the guy on the left seem to have a higher authority while the right guy looked at him puzzled.. he shook his head to the guy instructing that this is no fun and no point to continue.. he then turned and looked at me: ' ni yi ding yao zhe yang ma' (translate:must you be like this?).. i told him im alr in a foul mood and turned my face away.. my body gesture told him that im sick of life and had basically switched off all my emotions to even feel if harm was done to me..

soon after, the guy who was instructed by him had alr left the car to inform their leader.. i watched his leader come back and told the guy to leave the car and join back his leader.. the guy didnt leave instead he drove the car off.. the guy became my collegue in the next scene (somehow it just happened.. its a dream so it cant be explained).. i said i need to clean this car now its the boss's car.. we drove to a 'car washing' village.. lol.. colorful row of buildings, each unit with a single color of the rainbow.. the shops that were open charges car washing like sky-high prices so i wanted a unit with free water to use.. just a turn and it appeared, colored in green with a gigantic wheel to turn for water.. soon enough, the car was cleaned.. thoroughly.. inside and outside..

the scene quickly followed in the next day when boss was driving, me in the front seat and the guy colleague at the back seat.. boss noted the car was very clean and asked for the price of car washing.. added he said jokingly he would give a hundred dollar for such a clean service.. my mood was still foul even sitting in the car.. the same feeling as yesterday.. to clean this much for a hundred not worth it.. also at the very end it is hinted that i was a strong, confident and successful woman who have clinched several good deals for the company.. it also showed that i had never showed my weakness to people in the company which is why im single..

and then i woke up..

to many this may not sound like a good dream at all.. yes indeed.. but just recalling how the guy showed his care even in my lousiest mood, shunned with my cold face, excluded by my strong and high self-esteem exterior, he stood by me and saw through my eyes that has given up on the world..

it seems close to wad im feeling now.. why am i studying so hard.. why am i born into this world.. yes i have to do good to the society but im not that noble.. yes i want to go to heavens after i die.. if recognizing that i have no ability to do good to the world, i will do good to my family and those close to me.. but how can i achieve that frm good grades? no, study is not the answer to that..then what is my purpose in life and what do i really want?

it seems that when i ponder about my existence, i will dream about love.. someone who would shower me with love.. someone i can be with for the rest of my life when my parents are gone.. as i age and the longer i ve never been in an r/s the more i tend to think of desperateness faced in single-hood..

this dream exactly pinpoints my ideal, his face is vague because i havent met this person in my 'awake' life.. he accepts my strong character that i put upfront when im with people of the outside world, never showing a hint of weakness.. but to him i can show him my weakness.. and he dont want others to see the weak me either, only he will have this right to comfort my weak self.. which makes it special.. wad im to him.. and wad he is to me.. "your tears are to be seen by me and only me"..

that is the characteristic i wan to find in my SO, in front of others he is strong and mighty, only i will and can comfort his weaker self.. both of us are independent and both of us rely on each other to cover our weakness.. sounds fantastic right? :) it'd be good if i find him..

for some time now.. several frens have told me that i lack feminism.. i dont ask for help frm guys to carry heavy stuffs for me using my female charms and also to give them an opening to 'act heroic'.. i know how useful it is for a woman to just ask gently and charm others.. but thats not wad i wan.. carrying heavy stuffs can be done by woman as well.. if they are gentlemen they will come and help and not just for a 'heroic' act.. im brought up to be independent, thinking that woman can do as much as a men.. in fact we can, but there are still many biasness that we cant change in the world.. but for such simple tasks.. girls can be just as strong.. so im often defined as 'not cute' girl just becos i dont behave like little girls who asks for help.

hence, i have decided that if i were to be in a r/s i would only show my weakness and such female charms to him only.. becos of my strong and dull exterior, i dont have much suitors which im perfectly fine with.. i dont need people who are only attracted by the fake me when i start to use these charms.. i want people who genuinely accept the me that i put up: a strong and independent woman..

Bohyi
`FemaLe
`18 oCT

LoVes
`DoReamon
`CoLouRs
`Soft Toys
`AniMes

FoRgotten WiShes
`My own RoOm
`EaRn MORE Money
`MORE dORaeMon items
`MORE T-shirTs
`MORE AniMe IteMs

HateS
`Being pushed around
`Choosing sides
`Exams
`Insects
`Left alone

`Dream

today i slept way over my alarm cos im pon-ing sch today :3 also because of the alarm it makes me half awake to remember wad a sweet dream i had this morning..

in my dream i work under this boss, did my work to fend off some hooligans which in return offended them.. the next moment i was in the car using some thick beige stockings tied to the hand holder at the top.. to cover my face so no one would see me when peeping inside the car frm the window at the back of the car 90 degrees of my left.. i was using my phone, pissed after getting a scolding frm boss despite fending off the hooligans.. some how a few ppl with baseball bats passed the car frm wad i saw frm the tip of my eye.. instinctively i grabbed hold of the stocking and pulled it to my face while maintaining the cool to be sort of lying on it to hide my intention that i actually wanted to meet no one.. however one of the men caught me in action, he quickly informed his leader and the next moment, they surrounded the vehicle.. knowing that i have no escape i opened the window slightly when the leader knocked on the window asking yes? wad do u wan with me? becos im already in a bad mood, i didnt care wad he was to do.. he pushed his head in and said egg bomb and threw several eggs into the car and started laughing hysterically.. some of the eggs splashed onto my face.. annoyed i used my left hand to wipe it off my face and cleaned it on his face.. obviously it angered him and his subordinates  came into the car.. 2 guys pinned on me expecting to have some fun.. i said to them jus kill me with a very cold expression and eyes that no longer sparkle.. saying that i pulled on my own necklace.. the guy on the left seem to have a higher authority while the right guy looked at him puzzled.. he shook his head to the guy instructing that this is no fun and no point to continue.. he then turned and looked at me: ' ni yi ding yao zhe yang ma' (translate:must you be like this?).. i told him im alr in a foul mood and turned my face away.. my body gesture told him that im sick of life and had basically switched off all my emotions to even feel if harm was done to me..

soon after, the guy who was instructed by him had alr left the car to inform their leader.. i watched his leader come back and told the guy to leave the car and join back his leader.. the guy didnt leave instead he drove the car off.. the guy became my collegue in the next scene (somehow it just happened.. its a dream so it cant be explained).. i said i need to clean this car now its the boss's car.. we drove to a 'car washing' village.. lol.. colorful row of buildings, each unit with a single color of the rainbow.. the shops that were open charges car washing like sky-high prices so i wanted a unit with free water to use.. just a turn and it appeared, colored in green with a gigantic wheel to turn for water.. soon enough, the car was cleaned.. thoroughly.. inside and outside..

the scene quickly followed in the next day when boss was driving, me in the front seat and the guy colleague at the back seat.. boss noted the car was very clean and asked for the price of car washing.. added he said jokingly he would give a hundred dollar for such a clean service.. my mood was still foul even sitting in the car.. the same feeling as yesterday.. to clean this much for a hundred not worth it.. also at the very end it is hinted that i was a strong, confident and successful woman who have clinched several good deals for the company.. it also showed that i had never showed my weakness to people in the company which is why im single..

and then i woke up..

to many this may not sound like a good dream at all.. yes indeed.. but just recalling how the guy showed his care even in my lousiest mood, shunned with my cold face, excluded by my strong and high self-esteem exterior, he stood by me and saw through my eyes that has given up on the world..

it seems close to wad im feeling now.. why am i studying so hard.. why am i born into this world.. yes i have to do good to the society but im not that noble.. yes i want to go to heavens after i die.. if recognizing that i have no ability to do good to the world, i will do good to my family and those close to me.. but how can i achieve that frm good grades? no, study is not the answer to that..then what is my purpose in life and what do i really want?

it seems that when i ponder about my existence, i will dream about love.. someone who would shower me with love.. someone i can be with for the rest of my life when my parents are gone.. as i age and the longer i ve never been in an r/s the more i tend to think of desperateness faced in single-hood..

this dream exactly pinpoints my ideal, his face is vague because i havent met this person in my 'awake' life.. he accepts my strong character that i put upfront when im with people of the outside world, never showing a hint of weakness.. but to him i can show him my weakness.. and he dont want others to see the weak me either, only he will have this right to comfort my weak self.. which makes it special.. wad im to him.. and wad he is to me.. "your tears are to be seen by me and only me"..

that is the characteristic i wan to find in my SO, in front of others he is strong and mighty, only i will and can comfort his weaker self.. both of us are independent and both of us rely on each other to cover our weakness.. sounds fantastic right? :) it'd be good if i find him..

for some time now.. several frens have told me that i lack feminism.. i dont ask for help frm guys to carry heavy stuffs for me using my female charms and also to give them an opening to 'act heroic'.. i know how useful it is for a woman to just ask gently and charm others.. but thats not wad i wan.. carrying heavy stuffs can be done by woman as well.. if they are gentlemen they will come and help and not just for a 'heroic' act.. im brought up to be independent, thinking that woman can do as much as a men.. in fact we can, but there are still many biasness that we cant change in the world.. but for such simple tasks.. girls can be just as strong.. so im often defined as 'not cute' girl just becos i dont behave like little girls who asks for help.

hence, i have decided that if i were to be in a r/s i would only show my weakness and such female charms to him only.. becos of my strong and dull exterior, i dont have much suitors which im perfectly fine with.. i dont need people who are only attracted by the fake me when i start to use these charms.. i want people who genuinely accept the me that i put up: a strong and independent woman..